I eat, sleep, dream, breath this business !!
My first flip! Check the curb appeal that I’m creating. Am I done? Goodness NO! 
Jess asking “Lord who prayed for me?”
Days of opening my eyes…no aches on me
Rolling over to love…Lord who prayed for me?
In no need of necessities, it took a while to see
My cup is at capacity
This PEACE encourages me
F A I L U R E ISN’T F A I L U R E UNLESS YOU DON’T L E A R N FROM IT
And life doesn’t teach lessons unless it hurts a bit
So look up for direction, and head high when you pray
Because Joy comes in the morning and troubles don’t last always…….
The Darkness Jess before Dawn….Pt.1
If you’ve been reading blog, you must know that writing is a release for me. I pray that you all have something…one thing, that helps you center yourself. “The Darkness Jess Before Dawn” is going to be my short cut biography. I feel that with narrating my story, it frees me, not that I’m bound by anything but free in a sense that I’m holding back nothing.
I’m a Capricorn, the goat, and everything they say about Capricorns closely defines me. I was born in NY but grew up in Charleston, SC. As a child I walked, ran and explored the streets of downtown Charleston. My mother left my father up north after suffering from domestic violence. I remember vividly growing up among all my cousins, aunts and uncles. I remember fun, I remember love, I remember childhood.
At 16 my sister had my first niece, my first child, at the time I was 10. After she had my niece, I no longer had a big sister, I was the big sister. I transitioned from childhood to motherhood. My mother had expectations for me now. My sister slowly left my niece behind as she transitioned into a new lifestyle surrounded with drugs. So, at the age of 10/11 I was more than a pre-teen, I was an aunt with mother-like responsibilities. I too learned how to make bottles, change diapers and rock a baby.
Fast forward three years later, we move to North Charleston, Dorchester Waylan to be exact, by this time my sister has had my second niece and we are living 8 to a three bedroom house. I was mentally overwhelmed, I was vulnerable for attention, I was independent so no one was checking. And just like that I became a victim……
Jess want to say…”I quit”
PLEASE NOTE: I have NEVER quit anything in my LIFE! So, I’m still sensitive about this shit…….
January 2, 2019, I made the decision to resign from my teaching job overseas. The decision haunted me to days. Well, actually weeks. Teaching in Doha inspired me. Although I only spent 5 months there, I learned so much about my role as a teacher. I have taught kindergarten for 7 years and I grew levels on levels in terms of professionalism and purpose. Teaching is such a fulling career. I must admit that it is a difficult job but in the same energy it gives you a sense of satisfaction. I love teaching.
However, my job in Doha took me away from my children and my husband. Everyday I felt like I was choosing. Choosing this job, this experience, this paycheck over my children and it sickened me. My family needed me and I needed them. Not until I was separated from my family did I realize that they are home. Home makes the heart happy and wherever they are, is where I need to be. I pray that an opportunity like this arises for us again but in a form where we are all together. My job in Doha asked me to contact them via email if I ever want to return so that made me happy. I know I am a great teacher with a lot to offer but FAMILY FIRST.
GOD
FAMILY
WORK
In that order!!!
Jess a few things…
So Jess a few things…
- School days are Sunday to Thursday ( So hard for me!)
- Fridays are like Sundays for church/mosque
- There are NO liquor stores here! Now that I have a RP I can apply for a liquor license but the process is ugh
- All of the Qatari families have nannies and drivers
- Just incase you didn’t know, this is the RICHEST country
- The most represented culture here is Indians from India then Filipinos
- If you go to the gas station, you will NEVER pump your own gas
- In shallah – hopefully, soon, in time, God willing
- driving here is like grand theft auto
- Yalla- stop
- Haram- forbidden by Islamic law
- As a women it is haram for a Qatari male to shake hands with me( I learned this the hard way)
Jess Own it
It’s something about the depth of his dark
The melanin of his skin, the strength of his bark
I swear to you it humbles me each time
I look into him and see sunshine
I see love, I see him, I see me and I see them
I bend at my knees to show respect to him
My king let me taste you… pour your royalty to the brim
Don’t bring me up until your ready, you’re ready to see me
And when you’re ready, baby please, just love and protect me.
So on my knees for my king ….
Its just a position for me
A position where I get to show humility.
Because no one in this world ever appreciates you
or show you this love like this queen could do
The mix of our melanins …Im destined for you
A black man of dark skin with the world as his opponent
Taking place as his queen I don’t say I Jess own it
Jess takes Cape Town, South Africa
November 2017, I told my husband that we should celebrate our 1st wedding anniversary in Cape Town, South Africa. I must say that this was the most AMAZING place I had ever traveled to! The culture, the land, the people, the food. OMG! If you ever have a chance to visit South Africa, please GO and take me with you 🙂 This is just a few pictures from our travel there.
Jess Go
I’m a writer at heart but its mostly when my mind is full. So when I’m off and on blogging its because I’m running then stopping lol. Right now in this moment my heart is full my mind is heavy and my options are slim. I tried to fix it but ignoring it… no luck.. Tried to ease it by burning it… no luck…Tried to rid it by drowning it… no luck… So I’ll try writing it and then leaving it. Let’s see if that works.
You have to take the good with the bad
You have to walk out on faith
You have to just go for it
All of this is all good and cool for me but at this moment in my life, it’s not just me. So recently within the pass few weeks, I’ve accepted a job out of the country. The job is Teaching English in Doha, Qatar. Honestly, I have never even heard of Qatar before I started my job search. This is my story in a nutshell…
July 17th while in Luxor, Egypt airport awaiting boarding for a flight back to Cairo I met a girl who was telling my cousin about how she was living in Egypt for two years. Immediately in my mind I’m like wow Egypt for two years… why?? She continues by saying she was a teacher. Once she said that I was all ear because I’m a teacher (not sure if I ever mentioned that) and I love teaching! So she talked about her journey on how she got started and I literally took notes. In that moment I turned to my husband and said “Babe you want to do this?” He was all “YES”. The next day I jumped on it with applications and researched. I filled out 20 applications but mostly for the Middle East in countries that I’ve never heard of! Countries like Abu Dubi, Oman, Qatar, Bahrain, Dubai but not Kuwait or Saudi. My 1st choice was Qatar because of the size of the country, I wanted to go somewhere small 🙂 Fast forwarding… One week later, I was offered 3 jobs. One in Qatar, Abu Dubi and Japan. Since I originally wanted Qatar, I focused my time and energy there.
One week after meeting the girl in Luxor, I had a job offer. Two weeks later I had a job that I had accepted. I’m officially moving out the country on a 2 year contract. OMG! So next step was finding a job for my husband. My kids would go to school with me so that would be easy. However, the job search for my husband was the most stressful part of this journey. After a full month of searching and contradicting the choice. He had no job when it was time to leave. So, as a compromise, he decided to take leave from his job for one month to come and help me settle in. My daughter and him would take flight back exactly one month after we land then my son and I would stay. While my husband was here he would still search jobs and look so that they could possibly stay. This was such a hard time for our family because we have never thought that moving overseas was a decision to divide our family. 😦
Jess not today
I wish he knew how much I love him
I wish he knew how much it hurt
I wish he knew that I’m currently losing it
But I really need us to work
I wish he knew that I don’t trust love
Its not him ….its just me
Since I lost love so many times
Im struggling with insecurities
I wish he knew my direction was fucked up
One way going the wrong way
I wish I could say this all to him
But the right time doesn’t fit in a day
I wish he knew how sad I get
Well then again maybe not
Emotions that sniff weakness
Pride will fight it with all I got
I should tell him how I’ve been copping
But that may turn him away
Even though I wish this were possible
Some right time…
Jess not today
It Jess so happens…
Jess that fast I fell off from my blog but I’m back.
The past two weeks have been full of reflections. Reflecting on what’s wrong and what’s right…. what’s working or what’s failing…. what’s real and what’s fake…
Jess reflecting
I’m at the centre point where I’m literally straddling
I’m proud of where I am but I still want more
I’m blessed for what I’ve got but I still want more
I’m humble… but I’m still hungry
Who said chasing money is selling your soul
And made up that shit about glittering things not being gold
I get it the point …don’t follow the hype
Nothings wrong with checking if the numbers are right
I, Jess need more …………
